Crossing into Manhood: A Men's Studies Curriculum - Student Edition by Mason Christopher

Author:Mason, Christopher
Language: eng
Format: epub
Publisher: Cambria Press
Published: 2007-01-18T00:00:00+00:00

Chapter Six

Uniquely Masculine Issues: Finding the Father

I am that father whom your boyhood lacked

And suffered pain for lack of. I am he.

This is not princely, to be swept away

By wonder at your father’s presence.

No other Odysseus will ever come,

For he and I are one, the same.

Then, throwing his arms around this marvel of a father

Telemakhos began to weep. Salt tears

Rose from the wells of longing in both men,

And cries burst from both…

So helplessly they cried, pouring out tears.

Homer’s The Odyssey, Book XVI.

Translated by Robert Fitzgerald

Early psychoanalytic writers emphasized the negative role of a father in a son’s development, preferring to emphasize the Oedipal conflict and picturing the father as a hostile, aggressive figure who was to be feared and submitted to (Pollack, 1995, p. 42; Steinberg, p. 66). Subsequent research shows a more positive role for the father in a male child’s development. First and foremost, a father’s importance manifests in the father’s ability to be a caring nonmother alternative, who draws the young boy into external reality. By doing so, the father helps the boy differentiate from his mother by encouraging him to separate from her as a part of normal development (Steinberg, pp. 66–67). In this way, the father becomes a safe and stable space in which the boy can experience independence and separateness (Steinberg, p. 67). Furthermore, the father facilitates the young boy’s development of a positive gender role by serving as the principal object of focus in the external world and helps the young boy define his gender identity: “He emphasizes by his very presence that there is a way to be—masculine—that differs from the initial identification with the mother’s way of being—feminine” (Steinberg, p. 68). Hence, the quality of the father-son relationship, to a great extent, will determine if a son will be secure or defensive in his gender role and identity (Steinberg, p. 69).

Recent research suggests that children have an innate drive to find and connect with their fathers. According to Pruett (2000), “Children and fathers hunger for each other early, often, and for a very long time” (p. 2). Pruett identified a number of positive father care influences on a child’s development. Father “play” has long-lasting effects because a father tends to use his own body rather than a toy, and the play between a father and a child tends to be more nonconventional, emphasizing activation-exploration themes (pp. 27–28). Furthermore, father play tends to take on a more rough-and tumble quality and novelty-seeking behaviors, as well as exploring more vigorously and widely the world’s environment (pp. 29–30). A father tends to carry his child in the football position with the child facing forward so the child can see the world en face (p. 29). Concerning problem-solving, a father tends to tolerate his child’s frustration when he attempts something new, which plays a role in promoting the expectation of achievement in children (p. 31). When discipline is involved, a father tends to be more emotionally distant while emphasizing the societal effects of the consequences of misbehavior (p.

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